Re-Homed

And Stressed

I signed a new lease less than two weeks after the fire. It is in the same complex in another building and my new home has a view of trees, grass, and the cemetery. 

The view from my new apartment. Image by your author.

On the day I signed my lease, I learned from professional cleaners that it probably isn't worth the expense of cleaning my hard furniture. Especially as it might not work, and because I have an upper limit to my insurance, I wouldn't have any money left for new furniture.

Marks left in my old under sink cabinet when I moved bottles of cleaner and detergent. Image by CDavies

I spend sleepless nights wondering how I can cope without my belongings and if I can save things anyway. I hope I can save my plates and cutlery, my CDs and some personal papers. I wonder how to move everything probably less than 200 yards. I need basic supplies from dishsoap to a new robovac. New filters for my air filter. I lie in bed making lists, plotting, planning because planning is my anxiety response.

I have lost my kitchen knives buried under insulation from the ceiling collapse and I need to buy all new food and herbs and spices. I made a list and then, today, didn't have the energy to go to the grocery store. 

When I am not a ball of anxiety and stress, I wonder if getting rid of stuff from the last thirty years will be a relief. Decluttering, even forced, means removal of emotional baggage of life versions of myself  and don't fit me any more. I wrote in my journal that perhaps this is what a snake shedding its skin to grow felt like. Vulnerable in my new skin which hasn't formed a crusty outer layer yet. 

Last week, I got a new sofa, mattress, office chair and other essentials. An office desk is on back-order.  I have already saved a lot of my clothes and kitchen equipment. I cooked my first meal in my new apartment. Earlier this week, my belongings that were professionally cleaned came home. I haven't unwrapped them yet. It feels like a weird Christmas. 

First meal in my new home. Image by CDavies

I have stopped traveling between my friend's home in PA and my new apartment in NJ. I can sleep in my new apartment. Now I need to make it a home.

I am hopeful for the future.